Eden

There is light in front of me, yet I enjoy the comfort of your shades. We have been through so much together; this forest and I. At times I thought I was outgrowing it, for it became as familiar as my own pockets. But then you decide to surprise me with the roads I hadn’t thought I had not taken. Every turn remain as mysterious as when we first met. For the H Spirit had inspired me many times here; therefore, you might as well be a magical forest. How I love every shape of you. For almost two years you have been my home. I don’t think I have stayed anywhere as long since I graduated. When life surprised me in ways I could never imagine. Choosing to stand at the right side of history, just have to walk the stories first.

I suppose one day I shall assemble a photographic album on you.

They say little girls grow up when we start having to make grown up decisions. I had wished my decisions would remain inconsequential for a while. But God happened.

Searching for me between the trees that have outlived me. Without noticing the steps I have taken, the turns I’ve made, and the person you helped me becoming.

“We have a testimony present, but we have not asked her yet,” one of the sisters said. With reason, for the time they asked, I declined. Not ready to put myself out there. But by not becoming whom we are created to be, we become like a tree without life. And you have been helping me to get used to the opinions and judgments of many. The beauty of each individual creation of God and their right to exist irrespective of their differences. We are each called to be His living testimony; for we are the ones who know that He exists.

In the silence of Your forest, the bees and the butterflies and the birds and the dogs coming to say hello. I can feel You everywhere again.

The people too. The trunk of the trees that have fallen, despite the majesticism of what they have once looked. Only because their roots were not firm enough. I therefore am grateful to the ones who are helping me to discern the things I am not (yet) ready to do.

I too am grateful for the timing that allows me to embark upon a new adventure: I am indeed looking for a place with more light, better ventilation, and more environmental friendly use of energy sources. Although sometimes things just happen, without us intending to make any changes, while those changes might just be everything we need. And I find myself having arrived at the road. Unintentionally. Yet necessary. For God never intended for us to hide in the forest forever. It is just a place He gave us to reconnect with.

The Tree

Little tree

Beautiful flowers

Trying to get sunlight

Too many other trees

Bigger trees

~

Trying to get bigger, taller

Just so it can touch more sunlight

Just so it can touch the sky

~

But they thought it was becoming too wild

It’s not elegant for the tree to grow outside of its lanes

They cut of parts of its branches so it will grow within the space meant for it

~

Covered in the shadow of the trees planted in front of it

The tree struggled even more to meet the light

Trying to feel the light, just so it can grow

Just so it can stay alive

~

Many years later, the tree did not grow very much bigger

But the flowers continued to bloom beautifully every year

On the small trunk carrying them all

~

They continued to cut the branches so the little flowers will look beautiful

If only the tree could grow even bigger, how pretty will the tree of flowers look!

~

The storm came and withered the flowers away

But the trunk remained, despite its fragility

~

Until the fire after the storm, burned down the remains of the trunk

~

Now we have to start all over again, the roots thought

~

Despite the lack of sun, despite the storm and the fire, despite the desire of the tree to grow higher and feel its leaves flying in the sky

The tree grew into the ground

Stronger and firmer than any storm could defeat

Nurtured and entangled with all essence of life

~

What is essential is invisible to the eye

It is that very essence that kept the tree alive

~

And when there is life…

Destiny

Everything meant for me, God shall reveal in time.

Everything that’s not good for me, God shall protect me from.

So all that I do, every step I take, will lead me back to Him.

Seasonal Change

There’s a time for peace,

There’s a time for war,

There’s a time to love,

There’s a time to fight,

There’s a time to reflect,

There’s a time to let go.

~

Everything I never intended,

Shall never materialise.

Anything that’s not real

Shall surely evaporate in time.

~

May everything I do henceforth

Be pure, good, and lovely,

Acceptable as an offer

All to the glory of God.

Wisdom

After my Baptism my Godmother told me, this feeling you cherish, write it down, so you’ll remember when things get tough

My Priest said yesterday, those who walk with Him, are tested more fiercely, because your reward will be greater, at the end

And I think, time passes when flowers grow, but in harsh conditions characters take root. It is easy to be civil towards the civilised, but it says more about our personality when we remain kind towards the unkind.

We are even more alike the image of Him, when we love the ones who lack love the most.

In the meantime, I hope you too shall pray for me.

Love

I prefer the love

To any other alternative

Because without it

The world would be a colourless shell

~

And I remain waiting

While I was sent for a purpose

~

Love is the only reason I remain

Strong

Breathing

Aspiring

~

For You to call me to that very purpose for which You created me with

~

If that means You prefer to keep me all to Yourself, so You’ll breath Your Words into my Soul, then let that be

But if You want me to use all the talents You gave me in this world You created with these richness of people You created

Then You must show me My Roads, for I am tired of figuring this out without You

History

History was not written to be forgotten. We learn as we live. But not enough in a lifetime. So we learn from the lessons of another. Those who conquered more than we have. Those who contributed to a world better than when they arrived. And if we think about the struggles of another, just because their circumstances are different when life began. How much a waste it is to our time to spend it on trivial matters, when we can use what we can to make their life a bit brighter instead.

Magnificat

Probably quite hard to measure, if I compare your leadership skills with my beloved Jesus.

Then again, if I can help you to become a better leader, I guess that was the Grace God gave to my Purpose.

Letter to the Older Me

Beloved,

I’m sorry you’re hurt seeing me in pain. I’m sorry you have to witness my struggles of growing up and integrating into the world. I know you call it greyness, but God too created grey and allowed it to exist.

I know you want to protect me, you’re hurt to see me hurt. But if helping people means that others become upset with me, then more people should start helping another. If trusting people means that others will betray me, than more people should start trusting each other not to betray.

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬

I am sorry I failed you, but even more that I failed Him. ‬‬That my shortcomings remained to exist. But our love for Him is stronger than our shortcomings, our love for Him can make us move mountains. So I will continue to improve myself, to become a better version every day. I know He created me with love, and I am grateful for the way I am, but it does not take away that we are now part of His Light. We are the light of the world you call grey, which is why even more importantly that we continue to remain a city on a mountain that cannot be hidden. In the same way, we must continue to shine our light over the people, because we belong to Him, and not to the world. (Matthew 5:14,16)

My beloved older me, we remain forever His Children. His beauty is reflected in our thoughts, our words, and actions. Let us pray that we remain worthy in the way we exercise His graces in our life, with the right judgment between mind and heart. I ask for forgiveness for the times I have failed Him. Let today be a new beginning. Let us merge into One, don’t give up on my innocence. I love you.