Everything that stays, remains a part of me

The things I had to go through to arrive at my completion

At least for now


Until my next transformation

Questions Unanswered

Conversations today reminded me about one I had already a month ago

Don’t you think your relationship with Him will change if you were to have a man in your life? And how would that make you feel?

I thought we’ll love Him together. I’m only marrying another Catholic.

But in the same way as you do now?

Letter to the Older Me


I’m sorry you’re hurt seeing me in pain. I’m sorry you have to witness my struggles of growing up and integrating into the world. I know you call it greyness, but God too created grey and allowed it to exist.

I know you want to protect me, you’re hurt to see me hurt. But if helping people means that others become upset with me, then more people should start helping another. If trusting people means that others will betray me, than more people should start trusting each other not to betray.

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬

I am sorry I failed you, but even more that I failed Him. ‬‬That my shortcomings remained to exist. But our love for Him is stronger than our shortcomings, our love for Him can make us move mountains. So I will continue to improve myself, to become a better version every day. I know He created me with love, and I am grateful for the way I am, but it does not take away that we are now part of His Light. We are the light of the world you call grey, which is why even more importantly that we continue to remain a city on a mountain that cannot be hidden. In the same way, we must continue to shine our light over the people, because we belong to Him, and not to the world. (Matthew 5:14,16)

My beloved older me, we remain forever His Children. His beauty is reflected in our thoughts, our words, and actions. Let us pray that we remain worthy in the way we exercise His graces in our life, with the right judgment between mind and heart. I ask for forgiveness for the times I have failed Him. Let today be a new beginning. Let us merge into One, don’t give up on my innocence. I love you.


Wanneer ik zwak ben, ben ik sterk, want mijn kracht komt van Hem. Hij is niet koud of hard, maar rationeel met een warm hart. Dat mag ik ook laten zien als ik Zijn licht zichtbaar maak. Dat Zijn liefde niet uit zwakheid bestaat maar uit kracht, en uit die kracht heeft gekozen om het te delen.

Things to Remember II

If one day my memories cease to be…

I hope you are with me to remind me how greatly I am loved. Not the ones whose roads I’ve crossed, but the one whose road merged into mine.

If I wake up to a blanco page, remind me of the people I love and the things that spark joy. Remind me of my writings, for they are meant to inspire. In fact, leave me alone with my writings, for they remind me of God. Let me only remember you, if you were sent to me by God. Let me forget you with the world, if the memories shall only bring me pain.


For God so loved the world that He sacrificed His only Son for us

What is our sacrifice compared to that of His?


Now we understand, yet still won’t know,

how He must have felt


Empty people require stuff

Insecure people need to point

Ignorant people pretend to know


Don’t let them bring you down

A beautiful soul will shine through the darkness


We don’t know about life after death

How can we claim to know about life at all?


Be who you are created to be


Life is too short to pretend

Too short to proof

Too short to satisfy


Everything that is not real eventually evaporites


You just have to know what you’re living for