I once said that you are the last person I would ever want to say goodbye to
But we have arrived at the end of our road together
This time I won’t be coming back
I have learnt to cover my traces
Everything learnt the hard way is hard to unlearn
I should have let go before I started
Don’t mistake my kindness for anything more
It’s called courtesy
It’s called civilisation
It’s called mannerism
If I am laughing away your “joke”
If I am laughing away your “question”
Don’t be confused by my “entertainment”
It’s called diplomacy, after all
But if I say no – even with a smile
Just know that no means no
A diplomat may never say no, but a lady surely will
If you fail to respect that
Remember that respect is mutual
Don’t ever confuse my kindness for weakness
Remember, I’m a lawyer, after all
I see couples
Sitting together
Avoiding eye contact
Without saying a word
They went out together
But their hearts are not together
They look at each other
Without seeing one another
Where did the love go, I wondered
I can understand that in a way we are both afraid
Afraid of the fire this flame could bring
The kind of fire that will make one forget
where the one ends and the other begins
Melting us into one another
Consuming everything we once knew
Maybe that’s why we both hesitated
Because there is no coming back from that
He knew
Micro light years away
That this is the closest she has ever let him near
Light years away
She felt more intimate with him than they have ever been
There is something beautiful in the way people try to say goodbye
If only we could melt what we try to keep frozen
Perhaps fear is more powerful than love
It takes a lot more for a person to stop being afraid than to stop loving
People want to see the world
To discover another part
Another part unknown
Of themselves or someone else
Or are we merely trying to run away
From things we don’t know how to change
From people we have no way of escaping from
From ourselves, in the havoc of it all
But no matter where we run
We run into the same tied knot
Into ourselves, into the storm
To face, with courage, what is ours to untie
I can be cold
I can be freezing cold
Silence before the storm
Only to prevent the storm
When you ask if I’m upset
I will pretend all is fine
Because that’s what civilized people do
We maintain – after all – the peace
When you see me in public
I will smile and ask how you are
Because that’s what civilized people do
It is called courtesy – after all
But don’t for once think nothing changed
That you can make claims on my time
Don’t tell me how many texts you sent
For I received none when you were expected to
For the efforts I once made to welcome you
Became past tense when you weren’t there
I remember the people who were
I came to appreciate them more
I appreciate the efforts they made
to understand my loss
The efforts from everyone else who weren’t my blood
while you remained silent, where
I know we are not perfect
It is only human to forget
But I lost appetite to show kindness
Only God knows how to forgive
I am no longer running away from my pain or from everything that was not meant for me
Because for me, he stopped existing
My past is my past it belongs with the past tense
I have died and now I am alive
Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes that I once let burn
Burn
Everything that we once were
Everything that I once was to love him
But that’s what I needed to become me
It was a journey overdue but I have arrived closer to me than I could ever be
And the rest is fate
My fate
You can become a part of it
Or like the ones I thought was not meant for me,
I let go
Warmth melts
until I cease to exist
Into each other
Where I become you and you become me
It is beautiful
in a way
If I have not tried so hard to be me
Cultivating my mind until I become me
I guess we are both used to the cold
For fire to melt it all
You look at me with eyes of hope
As if I’m supposed to have the answers to your prayers
And it scares me
Because I too have no idea
Sophia’s Wisdom 