Vesuvius

I am like a volcano

Vast and solid as

I am

 

Feelings moveable like the lava inside

Eruptive and changeable

Like my temperament

 

My appearance might change

Through interactions with the wind and water that is my surrounding

 

But I am forever vast and solid

Immovably intact

Like the Vesuvius that I am

The True Purpose of Life

https://hsophiaswisdom.wordpress.com/2018/03/15/if/

It is for the world to live on when we die. Not to exhaust its resources for it to die on our offsprings. Not to act in such way that will harm the lives of our children.

I want my children to grow up in a world where they can be happy and anything they want to be. Not to put them in a world that might be destroyed any time – by people and their cruelty, or when the nature responds by unleashing hell.

I rather spend my life saving this world for other people’s children if it means that I will never have to see mine dying in a storm of fire.

Journey

Why God/Life always makes me feel like I have become as complete as I could be and put me in another incomplete situation. Because there is more for me to learn. Because I am not there yet. The journey will take a bit longer. Sometimes it is a lonely road, sometimes there is good company. But it is a road that we must walk alone, to arrive at where we want to end up. Or will it suffice to change our destination spontaneously just because of momentary impulses? If it makes us happy, and if there shall be no regrets. You can take your time. But do not be afraid to persevere. If we need strength, then let us pray/meditate.

Between men and career, I never chose for the man. I suppose that choice was consciously made so I won’t end up in an unhappy family and have history repeating itself. Even if that career is being built like a house. But at least I am building it with bricks I carried by myself from materials that I believe in. It will be mine no matter how it ends up looking. It is the only forever that I believe in, no matter which direction I decide to take. That’s why I am grateful for every opportunity that saved me from another unhappy attachment.

Light

Whether I was chairing a 65-person committee, meeting with ICJ-Judges, speaking at the OPCW in front of State Representatives, having lunches with Ambassadors or their Deputies, or dissolving a serious relationship with someone who promised me the Sun and the Moon but could not deliver, I never once forgot who I am and the values I believe in. I remember asking my career coach earlier this year what my constant is, because it is neither a person nor a place. The suggested answer that was her reply made all the sense to me. The values that guide me, the principles that shape me, and the integrity that keeps me tall. The warmth and affection that shines from within. No pretence. Never made promises I can’t keep. Never agree on anything I cannot live with. Never harm my conscience by harming others. Genuine peace and happiness of mind, body, and soul. Purity of heart.

I don’t care how others choose to live, it is not my place to judge. I accept my friends based on good company, brilliant minds, and honest hearts. Even though the values we share and the styles we adhered to in our life often determined the length of our walks together.

Throughout my journey on this earth, I have had the pleasure of meeting many different people. Some inspired me, others taught me. Different experiences helped me to connect even more increasingly with myself and to discover every time what I truly value in my life.

At the end of my life, I wish I can close my eyes and leave in peace. Knowing I have done everything I want to in this life that I was blessed to experience. I suppose my soul is old enough to know that there shall not be a next one to catch up on the things I’ll leave undone in this lifetime. So I must prioritise my time and figure out what is this purpose that I want to dedicate my life to.

Some insights have helped me so far to be a better person, others made me accept that I am good just the way I am. I know myself well enough to accept that my patience has its limits and that I cannot get used to habits I do not wish to tolerate. I love myself sincere enough not to allow myself to be exposed to toxic atmospheres. Or at least not long enough so I cannot survive or recover from. The right of self-determination and my ability to think reasonably throughout many conflicting sources and situations is the one instrument I trusted without having switched it off for a moment. Even when I have chosen not to trust my instinct – to my own detriment.

I know that many things are a matter of when and not if. I just want to make sure that when that moment arrives, I am ready. And I cannot be afraid anymore. Instead of wasting our time on irrational if’s, we must use this time to prepare for the when. Because very often it shall be the One When we spend our entire life preparing for. But when we are determined, and if we are lucky, it will be just the When we need that gives our life purpose.